Today was a good day. By the end of it Douglas’ elbow had gone back to normal. Mom rigged up a way to keep pressure off it and moved it periodically. They worked well! Our worries about pressure wounds are gone. The city is very busy. We did the hop on hop off bus with ease and saw a lot of the city. Mom was here forty years ago and was pleased she got to see more of it too. Something she always wanted to do for me was take me travelling around Europe. Originally it was supposed to be a high school graduation gift but life happens and it was never feasible. So it’s kind of serendipity or something it’s actually happening. I had given up it ever would happen for us. I feel bad for being cranky yesterday. I wish I could have seen her, young and free and so happy, in her seventies outfits seeing everything for the first time. I feel like she was and still is the cutest little thing. She so friendly. People gravitate towards her. She finds the best in everything. And it’s nice to see how Douglas is her best friend. They have a bond like no other. It’s really nice to see how much she loves him too. Her eyes twinkling again out of the everyday schedule. He drives her nuts sometimes and her him but they have a back and forth banter, he razes her, she’s razes him but she really loves him and he loves her. I’m not sure who’s the super hero side kick her or him.
The architecture is gorgeous. The history is amazing. I’m not too hung up on the Monarchy but it’s nice to see everything. A helicopter flew low over Head outside Buckingham palace and it was likely someone important visiting. I can’t imagine living behind bars, and razor wire with so much security. They could never just walk down the street. There is a real divide. There is them and then the people roaming around outside. I could never give up that freedom. It’s a duty I suppose to uphold tradition. But there’s something special about small freedoms I realized, like walking down a street alone, or sitting on a park bench or under a tree in any part of the city. Things they never get to do or really really see. And it’s all at their front door quite literally.
We had a really nice dinner after picking up Douglas’ Ensure. Douglas had some of two different cocktails. We hit the grocery store and got mom got wine and I got a cobra beer for Anthony bourdain. In one of his episodes he drank that at a byob Indian food joint in London. This was my Homage to him. I was shocked when I heard of his death. I thought he had escaped it. He was one of the ones who dealt with mental illness, addiction and got out of it. He was successful and travelling. I guess I assumed that meant he had made it out of the darkness. I was hit really hard by it and cried over it. No matter who you are or what you’ve scribed you still need to work at it even in your sixties. I always felt like I’ll be happy when… but it made me realize it’s a forever thing; wellness, and just because you accomplish the next big thing doesn’t mean you’ve achieved wellness or are totally free from your coping vices. I’m not looking for being happy when “…” any longer. We will try to do a few more Anthony Bourdain suggested things.
I saw Central St. Martin’s today, a school I’ve been wanting to go to for a long time. It’s the Harvard of fashion schools basically. I add courses to the shopping cart all the time! Accessories, footwear, 3D product design, textiles, photography, fine art, curation, jewelry, burlesque corsetry techniques, swimwear!!! I want to do it all!
My sister and her husband are likely moving here soon for his acting career so maybe there are some courses and visits in my future. I love school, l love learning! I love making things! I feel like London is too busy for me to live but I’d come for short courses and to visit my sister no problem!
We were in bed relaxing early. We have three single beds in a corner room with giant windows open to the street like a nice large dorm room I’ve looking a large street and a large park, Russell’s Square. It is hot! It’s either street noise or cook to death in the heat. It’s very loud. Hundreds of people going by, chatter in every language, traffic noise of every kind! It’s hard to hear Douglas call out at night even though he is only a couple feet away. It’s hard to sleep, I keep being afraid we will not hear him and he will suffocate on his breathing mask or have a panic attack all alone stuck in an uncomfortable position but that’s me catastrophizing. It’s what I do; Leap to the worst situations and plan for those. PTSD again. Eye roll. Hey at least I’m ready for anything. Nothing gets me by surprise! I’ve honestly never really been surprised. Not by disasters, not by human behaviours, not by anything. I’ve usually felt it coming or it’s somewhere I’ve already been as a possibility in my head. Not sure if that’s sad or a super power but ya. That’s how it can go in my head. I tell myself to take it down a notch but I feel better knowing all sides of the dice and being ready for anything.
Douglas said even though it’s busy here there is lots to like about London. And of course I agree. The amenities, lots to do, even if he can’t get on the subway. Seeing people, which doesn’t happen for him at home! He loves seeing people, the ladies, all the different cultures, outfits, people. I can’t imagine being stuck in the house only seeing us and a few visitors come in and out. He needs to get out. We all need to take him out more. The streets of downtown St. John’s are not accessible, he gets stuck on corners and needs to back track and go in the street to get around outside the parked cars. That isn’t fair and dangerous. I’ve walked with him, it feels demoralizing. The mall is the mall. I can’t think of a place he can be amongst the city living at home and be around other people. Here he looks healthier and happier and alive! He is apart of something outside himself. A living breathing unit made up of millions of people, and there are so so many people on this planet. Feeling that global heart beat as one is so important to step outside yourself and be one with the human race. We are a network. I for one feel inspired again. But also scared there’s too many people and we are going to destroy planet earth. 😬